Para empesar la semana con humor Mojarra...

Una disculpa por que estan en ingles...

Aqui les van unos chistes... me gusto el de la rosa y el del pan tostado, pero no entendi el del hospital...

que tengan buen inicio de semana...

 

Garage Door

 The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down

and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This

morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss

told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office

puzzled by the question.

 As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and

zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his

'garage door.'

 He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my

garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'

 She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires.'

  

An elderly gentleman...

 Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor

and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that

allowed the gentleman to hear 100%

 The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor

said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you

can hear again.'

 The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.

 I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will

three times!'

  

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench

under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old

now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age.

How do you feel?'

 Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'

 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'

 'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

  

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,

the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

 The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a

new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'

The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

 The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of

that flower you give to someone you love?

 You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'

 'Do you mean a rose?'

 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen

and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last

night?'

  

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.

However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman

already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who

insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

 After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to

the elevator.

 On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

 'I don't know,' he said.. 'She's still upstairs in the

bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

  

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.

During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but

they might want to start writing things down to help them remember

 Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.

 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'

 'Sure.'

 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?'

she asks.

 'No, I can remember it.'

 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?'

 He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.. '

 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that,

write it down?' she asks.

 Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it!

Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'

 Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,

 The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon

and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.

 'Where's my toast ?'

  

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:

 'So I hear you're getting married?'

 'Yep!'

 'Do I know her?'

 'Nope!'

 'This woman, is she good looking?'

 'Not really.'

 'Is she a good cook?'

 'Naw, she can't cook too well.'

 'Does she have lots of money?'

 'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'

 'Well, then, is she good in bed?'

 'I don't know.'

 'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

 'Because she can still drive!'

  

Three old guys are out walking.

 First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'

 Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'

 Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'

 

 A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a newhearing aid. It cost me

four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'

 'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'

 'Twelve thirty.'

  

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

 A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a

gorgeous young woman on his arm.

 A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're

really doing great, aren't you?'

 Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''

 The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got aheart murmur; becareful.'

  

One more. . .!

  

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlorand pulled himself

slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

 The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

 'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

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